America Anonymous: Share Your Stories: Recent Posts

America Anonymous: Share Your Stories: Recent Posts http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ America Anonymous: Share Your Stories: Recent Posts en Sun, 01 Aug 2010 03:23:32 +0000 MiguelMartinek on "Harm pornography causes" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=25#post-64 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:27:45 +0000 MiguelMartinek 64@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ <a href="http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030722/article_03.htm" rel="nofollow">http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030722/article_03.htm</a> The Harm Pornography Causes SEXUAL material of all kinds is easily accessible through television, movies, music videos, and the Internet. Is this relentless intrusion of pornographic, sexualized imagery harmless, as many would have us believe?* Pornography's Effects on Adults Despite what its defenders say, pornography has profoundly negative effects on people's views of sex and sexual behavior. Researchers at the National Foundation for Family Research and Education concluded that "exposure to pornography puts viewers at increased risk for developing sexually deviant tendencies." According to the report, "the rape myth (belief that women cause and enjoy rape, and that rapists are normal) is very widespread in habitual male users of pornography." Some researchers say that the repeated use of pornography can interfere with the ability to enjoy and participate in normal marital intimacy. Dr. Victor Cline, a specialist in treating sex addiction, has noticed a recurring progression in the use of pornography. If left unchecked, what starts as casual viewing of pornography can eventually lead to an escalation to more hard-core, aberrant material. This, he claims, can lead to deviant sexual acts. Behavioral scientists agree. Dr. Cline reports that "any type of sexual deviation can be acquired in this way . . . and that it cannot be eliminated even by massive feelings of guilt." Eventually, the viewer may try to act out the pornography-based, immoral fantasies, often with devastating results. The course of this problem may be gradual and undetected, concluded Cline. He states: "Like a cancer, it keeps growing and spreading. It rarely ever reverses itself, and it is also very difficult to treat and heal. Denial on the part of the male addict and refusal to confront the problem are typical and predictable, and this almost always leads to marital or couple disharmony, sometimes divorce, and sometimes the breaking up of other intimate relationships." The Damage to Young People Boys looking at pornography Some researchers say that exposure to pornography can affect the natural development of a child's brain Statistics show that the primary consumers of pornography are boys between the ages of 12 and 17. In fact, for many, pornography is their primary source of sexual education. This has very disturbing ramifications. "Teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS," notes one report, "are completely nonexistent in porn, giving a false belief that there are no adverse consequences to behaviors depicted in pornography." Some researchers say that exposure to pornography can also affect the natural development of a child's brain. Dr. Judith Reisman, president of the Institute for Media Education, concludes: "Health-based neurological observations about the instinctual brain-imprinted response to pornographic sights and sounds indicates that viewing pornography is a biologically significant event that overrides informed consent—and that is harmful to children's [moldable] 'plastic' brains because it compromises their grasp of reality and thus their mental and physical health, their well-being and their pursuit of happiness." The Effects on Relationships Pornography shapes attitudes and influences behavior. Its messages are enticing primarily because they are fantasy and thus presented as more exciting than the real thing. (See the box "Which Message Will You Accept?") "Individuals using pornography set themselves up for unrealistic expectations leading to damaged relationships," notes one report. Pornography can destroy trust and openness, essential qualities in a marriage. Because it is primarily viewed in secret, pornography use often leads to deception and lying. Mates feel betrayed. They do not understand why their marriage partner no longer finds them desirable. Spiritual Harm Pornography use causes serious spiritual damage. It can become a real impediment for an individual seeking to have a relationship with God.# The Bible links sexual appetite with covetousness and idolatry. (Colossians 3:5) The one coveting something desires it so much that it becomes the dominant thing in his life, eclipsing everything else. In essence, those addicted to pornography put their sexual desire above God. They thus make an idol of it. Jehovah God's command states: "You must not have any other gods against my face."—Exodus 20:3. Couple arguing Pornography can destroy trust and openness in a marriage Pornography destroys loving relationships. The apostle Peter, himself a married man, urged Christian husbands to assign honor to their wives. A husband who fails to do so will find that his prayers to God are hindered. (1 Peter 3:7) Would secretly viewing indecent images of women be treating one's own wife honorably? How would she feel if she found out? And what would the God who will bring "every sort of work into the judgment" and who makes "an estimate of spirits" think? (Ecclesiastes 12:14; Proverbs 16:2) Could one who uses pornography have any reason to expect that his prayers would be listened to by God? The insistence on selfish gratification at all costs is inherent in pornography use. Hence, viewing pornography is unloving. It undercuts a Christian's fight to maintain chastity and a clean moral standing before God. "This is what God wills," wrote the apostle Paul, "that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite . . . , that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother."—1 Thessalonians 4:3-7. Pornography especially exploits women and children. It demeans them and robs them of their dignity and rights. One who uses pornography participates in and supports that exploitation. "No matter how good a . . . man thinks he is," point out researchers Steven Hill and Nina Silver, "his tacit approval of pornography makes him at best [insensitive], at worst misogynistic, toward the very person he professes to care about." Getting Help The struggle to break free from pornography should not be underestimated; it may be a difficult battle. Says Dr. Victor Cline, who has treated hundreds of sex addicts: "Promises don't work. Good intentions mean nothing. [A sex addict] literally cannot do this by himself." A prerequisite to successful treatment, according to Cline, is involving the mate, if the person is married. "It goes faster if both are involved," he claims. "Both are wounded. Both need help." If the person is single, often a trusted friend or family member can be a pillar of strength. Regardless of who is involved in the treatment, Cline has one unalterable rule: Talk openly about the problem and any relapses. "Secrets 'kill you'," he says. "They create shame and guilt." Breaking Free of the Pornography Habit What if you are presently struggling with an addiction to pornography? Can anything be done to break free? The Bible provides hope! Before coming to know Christ, some of the early Christians had been fornicators, adulterers, and greedy persons. "But you have been washed clean," noted Paul. How was that possible? He answered: "You have been sanctified . . . with the spirit of our God."—1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Never underestimate the power of God's holy spirit. "God is faithful," the Bible says, "and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." Indeed, he will provide the way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Fervent prayer—persistently setting your problem before God—will produce results. His Word encourages: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you."—Psalm 55:22. Man praying Fervent prayer will produce results Of course, you have to act in harmony with your prayers. You need to make a deliberate and heartfelt decision to reject pornography. A trusted friend or family member can be an invaluable aid, providing needed support and encouragement to stick to your resolve. (See the box "Getting Help.") Remembering that such a course of action is sure to please God can help you stay committed to your course. (Proverbs 27:11) In addition, knowing that your viewing pornography offends God can also serve as an added impetus to giving it up. (Genesis 6:5, 6) It will not be an easy struggle, but it is one that can be won. The pornography habit can be broken! The dangers of using pornography are real. It is harmful and destructive. It corrupts those who produce it and those who use it. It is an insult to men and women, a danger to children, and a practice that should be rejected. * For a detailed discussion of the dangers of Internet pornography, please see the series of articles entitled "Internet Pornography—What Harm Can It Do?" in the June 8, 2000, issue of Awake! pages 3-10. # For a discussion of the Bible's view of pornography, please see the July 8, 2002, issue of Awake! pages 19-21. Which Message Will You Accept? Pornography's Message The Bible's View Sex with anyone, anytime, under any circumstances, and in any way is good and has no negative consequences. "Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers."—Hebrews 13:4. "He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body."—1 Corinthians 6:18; see also Romans 1:26, 27. Marriage is an obstacle to sexual fulfillment. "Rejoice with the wife of your youth . . . With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly."—Proverbs 5:18, 19; see also Genesis 1:28; 2:24; 1 Corinthians 7:3. Women have only one purpose—to satisfy the sexual needs of men. "I [Jehovah God] am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him."—Genesis 2:18; see also Ephesians 5:28. Men and women are slaves to their sexual urges. "Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite, hurtful desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."—Colossians 3:5. "Each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor."—1 Thessalonians 4:4. View the "older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all chasteness."—1 Timothy 5:1, 2; see also 1 Corinthians 9:27. MiguelMartinek on "Hell in addiction and hope in recovery" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=9#post-63 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:26:34 +0000 MiguelMartinek 63@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Go to sca and Meet persons who will try hard to please God N help you am in same boat as you maybe worse .. bipolar disorder borderline personality am fighting internet pornography masturbation cyber sex your honesty is good most men are blind state macho denial but truth is leads to depression drugs smoking The Harm Pornography Causes SEXUAL material of all kinds is easily accessible through television, movies, music videos, and the Internet. Is this relentless intrusion of pornographic, sexualized imagery harmless, as many would have us believe?* Pornography's Effects on Adults Despite what its defenders say, pornography has profoundly negative effects on people's views of sex and sexual behavior. Researchers at the National Foundation for Family Research and Education concluded that "exposure to pornography puts viewers at increased risk for developing sexually deviant tendencies." According to the report, "the rape myth (belief that women cause and enjoy rape, and that rapists are normal) is very widespread in habitual male users of pornography." Some researchers say that the repeated use of pornography can interfere with the ability to enjoy and participate in normal marital intimacy. Dr. Victor Cline, a specialist in treating sex addiction, has noticed a recurring progression in the use of pornography. If left unchecked, what starts as casual viewing of pornography can eventually lead to an escalation to more hard-core, aberrant material. This, he claims, can lead to deviant sexual acts. Behavioral scientists agree. Dr. Cline reports that "any type of sexual deviation can be acquired in this way . . . and that it cannot be eliminated even by massive feelings of guilt." Eventually, the viewer may try to act out the pornography-based, immoral fantasies, often with devastating results. The course of this problem may be gradual and undetected, concluded Cline. He states: "Like a cancer, it keeps growing and spreading. It rarely ever reverses itself, and it is also very difficult to treat and heal. Denial on the part of the male addict and refusal to confront the problem are typical and predictable, and this almost always leads to marital or couple disharmony, sometimes divorce, and sometimes the breaking up of other intimate relationships." The Damage to Young People Boys looking at pornography Some researchers say that exposure to pornography can affect the natural development of a child's brain Statistics show that the primary consumers of pornography are boys between the ages of 12 and 17. In fact, for many, pornography is their primary source of sexual education. This has very disturbing ramifications. "Teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS," notes one report, "are completely nonexistent in porn, giving a false belief that there are no adverse consequences to behaviors depicted in pornography." Some researchers say that exposure to pornography can also affect the natural development of a child's brain. Dr. Judith Reisman, president of the Institute for Media Education, concludes: "Health-based neurological observations about the instinctual brain-imprinted response to pornographic sights and sounds indicates that viewing pornography is a biologically significant event that overrides informed consent—and that is harmful to children's [moldable] 'plastic' brains because it compromises their grasp of reality and thus their mental and physical health, their well-being and their pursuit of happiness." The Effects on Relationships Pornography shapes attitudes and influences behavior. Its messages are enticing primarily because they are fantasy and thus presented as more exciting than the real thing. (See the box "Which Message Will You Accept?") "Individuals using pornography set themselves up for unrealistic expectations leading to damaged relationships," notes one report. Pornography can destroy trust and openness, essential qualities in a marriage. Because it is primarily viewed in secret, pornography use often leads to deception and lying. Mates feel betrayed. They do not understand why their marriage partner no longer finds them desirable. Spiritual Harm Pornography use causes serious spiritual damage. It can become a real impediment for an individual seeking to have a relationship with God.# The Bible links sexual appetite with covetousness and idolatry. (Colossians 3:5) The one coveting something desires it so much that it becomes the dominant thing in his life, eclipsing everything else. In essence, those addicted to pornography put their sexual desire above God. They thus make an idol of it. Jehovah God's command states: "You must not have any other gods against my face."—Exodus 20:3. Couple arguing Pornography can destroy trust and openness in a marriage Pornography destroys loving relationships. The apostle Peter, himself a married man, urged Christian husbands to assign honor to their wives. A husband who fails to do so will find that his prayers to God are hindered. (1 Peter 3:7) Would secretly viewing indecent images of women be treating one's own wife honorably? How would she feel if she found out? And what would the God who will bring "every sort of work into the judgment" and who makes "an estimate of spirits" think? (Ecclesiastes 12:14; Proverbs 16:2) Could one who uses pornography have any reason to expect that his prayers would be listened to by God? The insistence on selfish gratification at all costs is inherent in pornography use. Hence, viewing pornography is unloving. It undercuts a Christian's fight to maintain chastity and a clean moral standing before God. "This is what God wills," wrote the apostle Paul, "that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite . . . , that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother."—1 Thessalonians 4:3-7. Pornography especially exploits women and children. It demeans them and robs them of their dignity and rights. One who uses pornography participates in and supports that exploitation. "No matter how good a . . . man thinks he is," point out researchers Steven Hill and Nina Silver, "his tacit approval of pornography makes him at best [insensitive], at worst misogynistic, toward the very person he professes to care about." Getting Help The struggle to break free from pornography should not be underestimated; it may be a difficult battle. Says Dr. Victor Cline, who has treated hundreds of sex addicts: "Promises don't work. Good intentions mean nothing. [A sex addict] literally cannot do this by himself." A prerequisite to successful treatment, according to Cline, is involving the mate, if the person is married. "It goes faster if both are involved," he claims. "Both are wounded. Both need help." If the person is single, often a trusted friend or family member can be a pillar of strength. Regardless of who is involved in the treatment, Cline has one unalterable rule: Talk openly about the problem and any relapses. "Secrets 'kill you'," he says. "They create shame and guilt." Breaking Free of the Pornography Habit What if you are presently struggling with an addiction to pornography? Can anything be done to break free? The Bible provides hope! Before coming to know Christ, some of the early Christians had been fornicators, adulterers, and greedy persons. "But you have been washed clean," noted Paul. How was that possible? He answered: "You have been sanctified . . . with the spirit of our God."—1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Never underestimate the power of God's holy spirit. "God is faithful," the Bible says, "and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." Indeed, he will provide the way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Fervent prayer—persistently setting your problem before God—will produce results. His Word encourages: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you."—Psalm 55:22. Man praying Fervent prayer will produce results Of course, you have to act in harmony with your prayers. You need to make a deliberate and heartfelt decision to reject pornography. A trusted friend or family member can be an invaluable aid, providing needed support and encouragement to stick to your resolve. (See the box "Getting Help.") Remembering that such a course of action is sure to please God can help you stay committed to your course. (Proverbs 27:11) In addition, knowing that your viewing pornography offends God can also serve as an added impetus to giving it up. (Genesis 6:5, 6) It will not be an easy struggle, but it is one that can be won. The pornography habit can be broken! The dangers of using pornography are real. It is harmful and destructive. It corrupts those who produce it and those who use it. It is an insult to men and women, a danger to children, and a practice that should be rejected. * For a detailed discussion of the dangers of Internet pornography, please see the series of articles entitled "Internet Pornography—What Harm Can It Do?" in the June 8, 2000, issue of Awake! pages 3-10. # For a discussion of the Bible's view of pornography, please see the July 8, 2002, issue of Awake! pages 19-21. Which Message Will You Accept? Pornography's Message The Bible's View Sex with anyone, anytime, under any circumstances, and in any way is good and has no negative consequences. "Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers."—Hebrews 13:4. "He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body."—1 Corinthians 6:18; see also Romans 1:26, 27. Marriage is an obstacle to sexual fulfillment. "Rejoice with the wife of your youth . . . With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly."—Proverbs 5:18, 19; see also Genesis 1:28; 2:24; 1 Corinthians 7:3. Women have only one purpose—to satisfy the sexual needs of men. "I [Jehovah God] am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him."—Genesis 2:18; see also Ephesians 5:28. Men and women are slaves to their sexual urges. "Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite, hurtful desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."—Colossians 3:5. "Each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor."—1 Thessalonians 4:4. View the "older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all chasteness."—1 Timothy 5:1, 2; see also 1 Corinthians 9:27. Appeared in Awake! July 22, 2003 <a href="http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030722/article_03.htm" rel="nofollow">http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030722/article_03.htm</a> MiguelMartinek on "Same sex masturbation addict / Cybersex" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=7#post-62 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:16:20 +0000 MiguelMartinek 62@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ I am in same boat i cannot stop the compulsive need to watch porn masturbate cyber about porn like fantasies i learned from infancy from family and from watching porn i developed bi sexual orgies fantasies which lead to acting out = depression = addiction substance = seeking relationships to fill a void = loneliness= anxiety= shame= excessive pleasure seeking to escape the pain night clubs = bars night stands girls guys = low self esteem = gyms bodybuilding = ego = pride =- narc ism= bipolar disorder= frustration= loneliness= hopelessness= paranoia = suicide attempts= now i i feel barely alive when i have my porn cyber masturbation relapses i feel agony despair and i need advise help i feel like been in hell over under in between and i want to feel peace happiness but i feel disconnected from god friends social bonds love if you know any thing that is working for you with the struggle let me know ... <a href="mailto:miguelmartinek@hotmail.comhttp://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=100001131359105">miguelmartinek@hotmail.comhttp://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=100001131359105</a> for now am going to try faith again christian meetings mental services sca saa sa anger management Micah program but the fight is when am alone bored anxious after like a week or even two i get the withdrawal symptom to masturbate n the relaxing feeling maybe masturbation is like a smoker after u release u relax The more i watch this the more i realise that these guys r resortin to addictions to give them temporary relief from loniness and sadness. We live in a very anti-social world were people refuse to try and understand other people. Masturbation, drugs, crime and violence r the temporary remedy from those things. Sad but... true. we are all in an imperfect state of struggle that is why no one should judge some people are addicted to self righteousness narcissism money prestige sex money ......we all need love we all need inner joy we all at times feel lonely low self steem unworthy rejected abandoned alienated outcast hopeless lonely i know i do but i guess there are some people who are perfect .. Masturbation and Pornography are very real addictions. <a href="http://www.sca-recovery.org/compulsive.htm" rel="nofollow">http://www.sca-recovery.org/compulsive.htm</a> 1. As adolescents, we used fantasy and compulsive masturbation to avoid feelings, and continued this tendency into our adult lives with compulsive sex. 2. Compulsive sex became a drug, which we used to escape from feelings such as anxiety, loneliness, anger and self-hatred, as well as joy.... See more 3. We tended to become immobilized by romantic obsessions. We became addicted to the search for sex and love; as a result, we neglected our lives. 4. We sought oblivion in fantasy and masturbation, and lost ourselves in compulsive sex. Sex became a reward, punishment, distraction and time-killer. 5. Because of our low self-esteem, we used sex to feel validated and complete. 6. We tried to bring intensity and excitement into our lives through sex, but felt ourselves growing steadily emptier. 7. Sex was compartmentalized instead of integrated into our lives as a healthy element. 8. We became addicted to people, and were unable to distinguish among sex, love and affection. 9. We searched for some "magical" quality in others to make us feel complete. Other people were idealized and endowed with a powerful symbolism, which often disappeared after we had sex with them. 10. We were drawn to people who were not available to us, or who would reject or abuse us. 11. We feared relationships, but continually searched for them. In a relationship, we feared abandonment and rejection, but out of one, we felt empty and incomplete. 12. While constantly seeking intimacy with another person, we found that the desperate quality of our need made true intimacy with anyone impossible, and we often developed unhealthy dependency relationships that eventually became unbearable. 13. Even when we got the love of another person, it never seemed enough, and we were unable to stop lusting after others. 14. Trying to conceal our dependency demands, we grew more isolated from ourselves, from God, and from the very people we longed to be close to. The Twenty Questions 1. Do you frequently experience remorse, depression, or guilt about your sexual activity? 2. Do you feel your sexual drive and activity is getting out of control? Have you repeatedly tried to stop or reduce certain sexual behaviors, but inevitably you could not? 3. Are you unable to resist sexual advances, or turn down sexual propositions when offered?... See more 4. Do you use sex to escape from uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, guilt, etc. which seem to disappear when the sexual obsession starts? 5. Do you spend excessive time obsessing about sex or engaged in sexual activity? 6. Have you neglected your family, friends, spouse or relationship because of the time you spend in sexual activity? 7. Do your sexual pursuits interfere with your work or professional development? 8. Is your sexual life secretive, a source of shame, and not in keeping with your values? Do you lie to others to cover up your sexual activity? 9. Are you afraid of sex? Do you avoid romantic and sexual relationships with others and restrict your sexual activity to fantasy, masturbation, and solitary or anonymous activity? 10. Are you increasingly unable to perform sexually without other stimuli such as pornography, videos, "poppers," drugs/alcohol, "toys," etc.? 11. Do you have to resort increasingly to abusive, humiliating, or painful sexual fantasies or behaviors to get sexually aroused? 12. Has your sexual activity prevented you from developing a close, loving relationship with a partner? Or, have you developed a pattern of intense romantic or sexual relationships that never seem to last once the excitement wears off? 13. Do you only have anonymous sex or one-night stands? Do you usually want to get away from your sexual partner after the encounter? 14. Do you have sex with people with whom you normally would not associate? 15. Do you frequent clubs, bars, adult bookstores, restrooms, parks and other public places in search of sexual partners? 16. Have you ever been arrested or placed yourself in legal jeopardy for your sexual activity? 17. Have you ever risked your physical health with exposure to sexually transmitted diseases by engaging in "unsafe" sexual activity? 18. Has the money you spent on pornography, videos, phone sex, or hustlers/prostitutes strained your financial resources? 19. Have people you trust expressed concern about your sexual activity? 20. Does life seem meaningless and hopeless without a romantic or sexual relationship? I guess things like this can happen 1 we are all imperfect 2 the Media entertainment saturates us with sex 3 Poor Parenting example sometimes 4 peer Pres assure 5 Low self esteem searching for love by succumbing to addictions ...6 Fill a inner Void Emptiness Loneliness desire A mate a companion sometimes we mistake pleasure of lust as love or human affection 7 i do not know anything just my hypothesis am not god am if anything in the same boat of struggles and fights ........... MiguelMartinek on "My Sex Addiction" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=8#post-61 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 18:34:37 +0000 MiguelMartinek 61@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Since 3 years old Sex Abuse Violence has been a Picture i not been able to change years old i been struggling with sex addiction porn cuber guilt shame its hard when you feel divided inside i attempted about 5 suicides from feeling unforgivable hopelessness loneliness and agony despair but i want to not give up just recently i was brought back from psychiatric for a overdose attempt suicide and i want to do serious searching and try to live with this Addiction Of Lust Selfish longings but i want to perhaps associate with others who i can relate who can give advise and understand Bipolar Borderline Personality Porn made things worse for me but after a week i go anxious restless toss and turn moody if i don't self abuse release my self into masturbation .. but this comes with inner feelings of shame isolation self loath depression social anxiety severe mood swings irritability anger.. i want to be a Christian but i am plagued by Homosexual attractions too i been with both and i feel shame regret guilt despair deep inside i knew that somehow i was disappointing god i enjoy the physical intimacy with a woman very much but this other tormenting hidden desires are also like a destructive plague now and then come out . My new Goal is to Be as Frank as possible with My self try to use my free will and Fight Inclinations Seek Professional Mental Help therapist Sca Anger management My Christian Meetings and Built Healthy relationships not involving Lust Codependency and Selfish Motives but its hard because now and then i get the Horny feeling i don't Smoke but after a Few Days i Jerk Off relax is like a Endorphins brain neurotransmitters Oxytocin serotonin is released i am concluding that orgasm we men have are very Addictive when its a Sexual addiction.. I am starting to Believe addictions comes in many masks various personality disorders root from environment genetics and miss use of free will peer pressure and lack of self discipline so the war is just beginning for me ... today i had a relapse with cyber sexed porn My goal is to eventually break free from this spiritual emotional corruptive perverted cycle i am slaved of counting to not masturbate with less frequency am going to try to do it less keep busy doing personal study prayer meditation exercise When u make a promise to your self and you find yourself breaking it you have entered the World of Addiction i guess we all have something to overcome . MiguelMartinek on "Coping with A long Hard Fight with Sex addiction Bipolar" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=24#post-60 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 18:10:00 +0000 MiguelMartinek 60@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Since 3 years old i been haunted by Memories Of abuse Trauma Fear Anxiety Self Loathe Sexual Identity Disorder Bipolar Borderline traits . Am 34 and after a recent attempt of suicide am trying want to try to overcome the Lust Pride Selfish longings that keep me Captive in a Compulsive Sex addiction Internet Porn Masturbation Bi sexual Cyb-er sex... Lately i come to the conclusion that i need to control my hearts desires but is very hard this struggle i live with Low self esteem Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include: * Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other * An inability or difficulty in being alone * Consistently choosing partners who are abusive or emotionally unavailable * Using sex, seduction and intrigue to "hook" or hold onto a partner * Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions * Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship * When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone * Avoiding sex or relationships for long periods of time to "solve the problem" * An inability to leave unhealthy relationships despite repeated promises to self or others * Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others * Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love Trying to Find Friends that will Understand my agony Despair Frustration Self Hatred Understanding Addictive Cybersex By Jennifer P. Schneider, M.D., Ph.D. and Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS The Internet is profoundly transforming our culture and our world in ways similar to the introduction of the telephone 100 years ago. In addition to its function as a source of information, the Internet is leading a revolution in the delivery of sex and sexual content. Cybersex, which is any form of sexual expression accessed through the computer or the Internet, is now a major industry. Currently, over 60 percent of all visits on the Internet involve a sexual purpose. These days cybersex activities include not only viewing and/or downloading pornography along with masturbation, but also reading and writing sexually explicit letters and stories, e-mailing to set up personal meetings with someone, placing ads to meet sexual partners, visiting sexually oriented chat rooms, and engaging in interactive online affairs which include real-time viewing of each other using electronic cameras hooked up to the computer. Many people allow themselves to engage in sexual behaviors online (S&M, cybersex with adolescents or children, presenting themselves as persons of the opposite gender) which they would never do in the real world. Spin-offs of cybersex activities are phone sex with people met online, and online affairs that progress to real or offline affairs. For most cybersex users, the Internet provides a fascinating new venue for experiencing sex. Some users, however, perhaps 8-10 percent, become hooked on cybersex and experience significant life problems as a result. For those hooked on cybersex, the negative consequences can be divided broadly into two categories: those resulting from the many hours the user spends on the internet, and those which specifically relate to the sexual content of the user's activities. The former group include: * User's life becomes constricted and lonely. Many hours are spent alone with the computer, involved in fantasy sexual activities, while real-life friendships and social contacts fall away. * If the user is married or in a relationship, the partner feels lonely, ignored, unimportant, neglected, or angry because the user prefers to spend so much time on the net rather than with the partner and family. * Children are neglected or ignored because of the parent's involvement with the computer. Consequences which result specifically from the sexual nature of the computer use include: * If online sex leads to real-life sexual encounters, the user risks acquiring HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. * If the user downloads Internet pornography on the work computer or engages in cybersex on the job, he or she risks job loss. * Cybersex participants who engage in sex with minors risk arrest and imprisonment. * Many users lie repeatedly about the sexual activities; in response, their partners feel distrust and betrayal. * The devastating emotional impact of a cybersex affair is described by many partners as similar, if not the same, as that of a real or offline affair. This is equally true when the cybersex user has also had "real" affairs. The partner's self-esteem may be damaged; strong feelings of hurt, betrayal, abandonment, devastation, loneliness, shame, isolation, humiliation, and jealousy are evoked. Cybersex activities were considered particularly destructive in that a) they took place right in the home and b) were so time-consuming. * The couple's sexual relationship suffers, not only generally because the user stays up much of the night, but specifically because the spouse (and often the user) compares her body and her sexual performance to that of the online men and women, and believes she/he can't measure up and/or the user or partner loses interest in having sex with each other. Many couples have no relational sex in months or years. * Online sexual activities may be followed by physical contact with others; the partner may retaliate or seek solace in extramarital affairs. * Children may be exposed to pornography and may develop unhealthy attitudes towards sex and women. My Past has i believe consequences exposure to SEX since three years old then i gave up from 18 developed a porn addiction that led my mind to desire Abnormal perverted Desires Thoughts Now i will give this Agonizing fight A new Way am going to open up and seek help instead of Hold Suppress my Fears shame Guilt with Help From god and Loved Ones and Professionals Because i cannot do this on my Own <a href="http://www.cybersexualaddiction.com/Articles.php" rel="nofollow">http://www.cybersexualaddiction.com/Articles.php</a> <a href="http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/cyberfaq.php" rel="nofollow">http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/cyberfaq.php</a> Are you sexually compulsive? Members of SCA have learned through sharing their experience, strength, and hope with each other that sexual compulsivity is a disease. This disease has three dimensions: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Physically, we engage in sexual behaviors that we know are not healthy for us or that place us in legal, physical, or spiritual jeopardy. Emotionally, we experience a "high" in contemplating and engaging in the "acting out" behavior, followed by an emotional let-down after acting out has concluded. Spiritually, we feel disconnected from others, especially from relationships we want to be "healthy" ones. The Twenty Questions SCA members have devised the Twenty Questions to help newcomers decide whether they are sexually compulsive. While the decision as to whether one has the disease of sexual compulsivity is an individual one, most people who are not sexually compulsive will answer yes to none of these questions, or perhaps one or two. If you answer yes to three or more, we encourage you to consider what our program has to offer. Click here to answer the Twenty Questions. The Fourteen Characteristics SCA members have found that we share certain characteristics in common. Click here to see those characteristics. The fourteen characteristics are often read at the beginning of SCA meetings. Click here to read SCA members' personal experiences with each of the characteristics. Admitting That We Are Powerless If we decide that we have the disease of sexual compulsion, the first step toward recovery is to admit that we are powerless over our condition and that it makes our lives unmanageable. When we can do so, we are ready to move on to the 12-step recovery program. The only requirement for membership in SCA is a desire to stop our compulsive sexual behavior. The Twenty Questions 1. Do you frequently experience remorse, depression, or guilt about your sexual activity? 2. Do you feel your sexual drive and activity is getting out of control? Have you repeatedly tried to stop or reduce certain sexual behaviors, but inevitably you could not? 3. Are you unable to resist sexual advances, or turn down sexual propositions when offered? 4. Do you use sex to escape from uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, guilt, etc. which seem to disappear when the sexual obsession starts? 5. Do you spend excessive time obsessing about sex or engaged in sexual activity? 6. Have you neglected your family, friends, spouse or relationship because of the time you spend in sexual activity? 7. Do your sexual pursuits interfere with your work or professional development? 8. Is your sexual life secretive, a source of shame, and not in keeping with your values? Do you lie to others to cover up your sexual activity? 9. Are you afraid of sex? Do you avoid romantic and sexual relationships with others and restrict your sexual activity to fantasy, masturbation, and solitary or anonymous activity? 10. Are you increasingly unable to perform sexually without other stimuli such as pornography, videos, "poppers," drugs/alcohol, "toys," etc.? 11. Do you have to resort increasingly to abusive, humiliating, or painful sexual fantasies or behaviors to get sexually aroused? 12. Has your sexual activity prevented you from developing a close, loving relationship with a partner? Or, have you developed a pattern of intense romantic or sexual relationships that never seem to last once the excitement wears off? 13. Do you only have anonymous sex or one-night stands? Do you usually want to get away from your sexual partner after the encounter? 14. Do you have sex with people with whom you normally would not associate? 15. Do you frequent clubs, bars, adult bookstores, restrooms, parks and other public places in search of sexual partners? 16. Have you ever been arrested or placed yourself in legal jeopardy for your sexual activity? 17. Have you ever risked your physical health with exposure to sexually transmitted diseases by engaging in "unsafe" sexual activity? 18. Has the money you spent on pornography, videos, phone sex, or hustlers/prostitutes strained your financial resources? 19. Have people you trust expressed concern about your sexual activity? 20. Does life seem meaningless and hopeless without a romantic or sexual relationship? The Fourteen Characteristics These are the characteristics most of us seem to have in common: 1. As adolescents, we used fantasy and compulsive masturbation to avoid feelings, and continued this tendency into our adult lives with compulsive sex. 2. Compulsive sex became a drug, which we used to escape from feelings such as anxiety, loneliness, anger and self-hatred, as well as joy. 3. We tended to become immobilized by romantic obsessions. We became addicted to the search for sex and love; as a result, we neglected our lives. 4. We sought oblivion in fantasy and masturbation, and lost ourselves in compulsive sex. Sex became a reward, punishment, distraction and time-killer. 5. Because of our low self-esteem, we used sex to feel validated and complete. 6. We tried to bring intensity and excitement into our lives through sex, but felt ourselves growing steadily emptier. 7. Sex was compartmentalized instead of integrated into our lives as a healthy element. 8. We became addicted to people, and were unable to distinguish among sex, love and affection. 9. We searched for some "magical" quality in others to make us feel complete. Other people were idealized and endowed with a powerful symbolism, which often disappeared after we had sex with them. 10. We were drawn to people who were not available to us, or who would reject or abuse us. 11. We feared relationships, but continually searched for them. In a relationship, we feared abandonment and rejection, but out of one, we felt empty and incomplete. 12. While constantly seeking intimacy with another person, we found that the desperate quality of our need made true intimacy with anyone impossible, and we often developed unhealthy dependency relationships that eventually became unbearable. 13. Even when we got the love of another person, it never seemed enough, and we were unable to stop lusting after others. 14. Trying to conceal our dependency demands, we grew more isolated from ourselves, from God, and from the very people we longed to be close to. <a href="http://www.sca-recovery.org/SCAnnerchars.htm#1" rel="nofollow">http://www.sca-recovery.org/SCAnnerchars.htm#1</a> SEXUAL material of all kinds is easily accessible through television, movies, music videos, and the Internet. Is this relentless intrusion of pornographic, sexualized imagery harmless, as many would have us believe?* Pornography's Effects on Adults Despite what its defenders say, pornography has profoundly negative effects on people's views of sex and sexual behavior. Researchers at the National Foundation for Family Research and Education concluded that "exposure to pornography puts viewers at increased risk for developing sexually deviant tendencies." According to the report, "the rape myth (belief that women cause and enjoy rape, and that rapists are normal) is very widespread in habitual male users of pornography." Some researchers say that the repeated use of pornography can interfere with the ability to enjoy and participate in normal marital intimacy. Dr. Victor Cline, a specialist in treating sex addiction, has noticed a recurring progression in the use of pornography. If left unchecked, what starts as casual viewing of pornography can eventually lead to an escalation to more hard-core, aberrant material. This, he claims, can lead to deviant sexual acts. Behavioral scientists agree. Dr. Cline reports that "any type of sexual deviation can be acquired in this way . . . and that it cannot be eliminated even by massive feelings of guilt." Eventually, the viewer may try to act out the pornography-based, immoral fantasies, often with devastating results. The course of this problem may be gradual and undetected, concluded Cline. He states: "Like a cancer, it keeps growing and spreading. It rarely ever reverses itself, and it is also very difficult to treat and heal. Denial on the part of the male addict and refusal to confront the problem are typical and predictable, and this almost always leads to marital or couple disharmony, sometimes divorce, and sometimes the breaking up of other intimate relationships." The Damage to Young People Boys looking at pornography Some researchers say that exposure to pornography can affect the natural development of a child's brain Statistics show that the primary consumers of pornography are boys between the ages of 12 and 17. In fact, for many, pornography is their primary source of sexual education. This has very disturbing ramifications. "Teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS," notes one report, "are completely nonexistent in porn, giving a false belief that there are no adverse consequences to behaviors depicted in pornography." Some researchers say that exposure to pornography can also affect the natural development of a child's brain. Dr. Judith Reisman, president of the Institute for Media Education, concludes: "Health-based neurological observations about the instinctual brain-imprinted response to pornographic sights and sounds indicates that viewing pornography is a biologically significant event that overrides informed consent—and that is harmful to children's [moldable] 'plastic' brains because it compromises their grasp of reality and thus their mental and physical health, their well-being and their pursuit of happiness." The Effects on Relationships Pornography shapes attitudes and influences behavior. Its messages are enticing primarily because they are fantasy and thus presented as more exciting than the real thing. (See the box "Which Message Will You Accept?") "Individuals using pornography set themselves up for unrealistic expectations leading to damaged relationships," notes one report. Pornography can destroy trust and openness, essential qualities in a marriage. Because it is primarily viewed in secret, pornography use often leads to deception and lying. Mates feel betrayed. They do not understand why their marriage partner no longer finds them desirable. Spiritual Harm Pornography use causes serious spiritual damage. It can become a real impediment for an individual seeking to have a relationship with God.# The Bible links sexual appetite with covetousness and idolatry. (Colossians 3:5) The one coveting something desires it so much that it becomes the dominant thing in his life, eclipsing everything else. In essence, those addicted to pornography put their sexual desire above God. They thus make an idol of it. Jehovah God's command states: "You must not have any other gods against my face."—Exodus 20:3. Couple arguing Pornography can destroy trust and openness in a marriage Pornography destroys loving relationships. The apostle Peter, himself a married man, urged Christian husbands to assign honor to their wives. A husband who fails to do so will find that his prayers to God are hindered. (1 Peter 3:7) Would secretly viewing indecent images of women be treating one's own wife honorably? How would she feel if she found out? And what would the God who will bring "every sort of work into the judgment" and who makes "an estimate of spirits" think? (Ecclesiastes 12:14; Proverbs 16:2) Could one who uses pornography have any reason to expect that his prayers would be listened to by God? The insistence on selfish gratification at all costs is inherent in pornography use. Hence, viewing pornography is unloving. It undercuts a Christian's fight to maintain chastity and a clean moral standing before God. "This is what God wills," wrote the apostle Paul, "that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite . . . , that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother."—1 Thessalonians 4:3-7. Pornography especially exploits women and children. It demeans them and robs them of their dignity and rights. One who uses pornography participates in and supports that exploitation. "No matter how good a . . . man thinks he is," point out researchers Steven Hill and Nina Silver, "his tacit approval of pornography makes him at best [insensitive], at worst misogynistic, toward the very person he professes to care about." Getting Help The struggle to break free from pornography should not be underestimated; it may be a difficult battle. Says Dr. Victor Cline, who has treated hundreds of sex addicts: "Promises don't work. Good intentions mean nothing. [A sex addict] literally cannot do this by himself." A prerequisite to successful treatment, according to Cline, is involving the mate, if the person is married. "It goes faster if both are involved," he claims. "Both are wounded. Both need help." If the person is single, often a trusted friend or family member can be a pillar of strength. Regardless of who is involved in the treatment, Cline has one unalterable rule: Talk openly about the problem and any relapses. "Secrets 'kill you'," he says. "They create shame and guilt." Breaking Free of the Pornography Habit What if you are presently struggling with an addiction to pornography? Can anything be done to break free? The Bible provides hope! Before coming to know Christ, some of the early Christians had been fornicators, adulterers, and greedy persons. "But you have been washed clean," noted Paul. How was that possible? He answered: "You have been sanctified . . . with the spirit of our God."—1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Never underestimate the power of God's holy spirit. "God is faithful," the Bible says, "and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." Indeed, he will provide the way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Fervent prayer—persistently setting your problem before God—will produce results. His Word encourages: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you."—Psalm 55:22. Man praying Fervent prayer will produce results Of course, you have to act in harmony with your prayers. You need to make a deliberate and heartfelt decision to reject pornography. A trusted friend or family member can be an invaluable aid, providing needed support and encouragement to stick to your resolve. (See the box "Getting Help.") Remembering that such a course of action is sure to please God can help you stay committed to your course. (Proverbs 27:11) In addition, knowing that your viewing pornography offends God can also serve as an added impetus to giving it up. (Genesis 6:5, 6) It will not be an easy struggle, but it is one that can be won. The pornography habit can be broken! The dangers of using pornography are real. It is harmful and destructive. It corrupts those who produce it and those who use it. It is an insult to men and women, a danger to children, and a practice that should be rejected. * For a detailed discussion of the dangers of Internet pornography, please see the series of articles entitled "Internet Pornography—What Harm Can It Do?" in the June 8, 2000, issue of Awake! pages 3-10. # For a discussion of the Bible's view of pornography, please see the July 8, 2002, issue of Awake! pages 19-21. Which Message Will You Accept? Pornography's Message The Bible's View Sex with anyone, anytime, under any circumstances, and in any way is good and has no negative consequences. "Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers."—Hebrews 13:4. "He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body."—1 Corinthians 6:18; see also Romans 1:26, 27. Marriage is an obstacle to sexual fulfillment. "Rejoice with the wife of your youth . . . With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly."—Proverbs 5:18, 19; see also Genesis 1:28; 2:24; 1 Corinthians 7:3. Women have only one purpose—to satisfy the sexual needs of men. "I [Jehovah God] am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him."—Genesis 2:18; see also Ephesians 5:28. Men and women are slaves to their sexual urges. "Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite, hurtful desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."—Colossians 3:5. "Each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor."—1 Thessalonians 4:4. View the "older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all chasteness."—1 Timothy 5:1, 2; see also 1 Corinthians 9:27. MiguelMartinek on "Coping with A long Hard Fight with Sex addiction Bipolar" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=23#post-59 Thu, 15 Jul 2010 18:09:47 +0000 MiguelMartinek 59@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Since 3 years old i been haunted by Memories Of abuse Trauma Fear Anxiety Self Loathe Sexual Identity Disorder Bipolar Borderline traits . Am 34 and after a recent attempt of suicide am trying want to try to overcome the Lust Pride Selfish longings that keep me Captive in a Compulsive Sex addiction Internet Porn Masturbation Bi sexual Cyb-er sex... Lately i come to the conclusion that i need to control my hearts desires but is very hard this struggle i live with Low self esteem Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include: * Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other * An inability or difficulty in being alone * Consistently choosing partners who are abusive or emotionally unavailable * Using sex, seduction and intrigue to "hook" or hold onto a partner * Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions * Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship * When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone * Avoiding sex or relationships for long periods of time to "solve the problem" * An inability to leave unhealthy relationships despite repeated promises to self or others * Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others * Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love Trying to Find Friends that will Understand my agony Despair Frustration Self Hatred Understanding Addictive Cybersex By Jennifer P. Schneider, M.D., Ph.D. and Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS The Internet is profoundly transforming our culture and our world in ways similar to the introduction of the telephone 100 years ago. In addition to its function as a source of information, the Internet is leading a revolution in the delivery of sex and sexual content. Cybersex, which is any form of sexual expression accessed through the computer or the Internet, is now a major industry. Currently, over 60 percent of all visits on the Internet involve a sexual purpose. These days cybersex activities include not only viewing and/or downloading pornography along with masturbation, but also reading and writing sexually explicit letters and stories, e-mailing to set up personal meetings with someone, placing ads to meet sexual partners, visiting sexually oriented chat rooms, and engaging in interactive online affairs which include real-time viewing of each other using electronic cameras hooked up to the computer. Many people allow themselves to engage in sexual behaviors online (S&M, cybersex with adolescents or children, presenting themselves as persons of the opposite gender) which they would never do in the real world. Spin-offs of cybersex activities are phone sex with people met online, and online affairs that progress to real or offline affairs. For most cybersex users, the Internet provides a fascinating new venue for experiencing sex. Some users, however, perhaps 8-10 percent, become hooked on cybersex and experience significant life problems as a result. For those hooked on cybersex, the negative consequences can be divided broadly into two categories: those resulting from the many hours the user spends on the internet, and those which specifically relate to the sexual content of the user's activities. The former group include: * User's life becomes constricted and lonely. Many hours are spent alone with the computer, involved in fantasy sexual activities, while real-life friendships and social contacts fall away. * If the user is married or in a relationship, the partner feels lonely, ignored, unimportant, neglected, or angry because the user prefers to spend so much time on the net rather than with the partner and family. * Children are neglected or ignored because of the parent's involvement with the computer. Consequences which result specifically from the sexual nature of the computer use include: * If online sex leads to real-life sexual encounters, the user risks acquiring HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. * If the user downloads Internet pornography on the work computer or engages in cybersex on the job, he or she risks job loss. * Cybersex participants who engage in sex with minors risk arrest and imprisonment. * Many users lie repeatedly about the sexual activities; in response, their partners feel distrust and betrayal. * The devastating emotional impact of a cybersex affair is described by many partners as similar, if not the same, as that of a real or offline affair. This is equally true when the cybersex user has also had "real" affairs. The partner's self-esteem may be damaged; strong feelings of hurt, betrayal, abandonment, devastation, loneliness, shame, isolation, humiliation, and jealousy are evoked. Cybersex activities were considered particularly destructive in that a) they took place right in the home and b) were so time-consuming. * The couple's sexual relationship suffers, not only generally because the user stays up much of the night, but specifically because the spouse (and often the user) compares her body and her sexual performance to that of the online men and women, and believes she/he can't measure up and/or the user or partner loses interest in having sex with each other. Many couples have no relational sex in months or years. * Online sexual activities may be followed by physical contact with others; the partner may retaliate or seek solace in extramarital affairs. * Children may be exposed to pornography and may develop unhealthy attitudes towards sex and women. My Past has i believe consequences exposure to SEX since three years old then i gave up from 18 developed a porn addiction that led my mind to desire Abnormal perverted Desires Thoughts Now i will give this Agonizing fight A new Way am going to open up and seek help instead of Hold Suppress my Fears shame Guilt with Help From god and Loved Ones and Professionals Because i cannot do this on my Own <a href="http://www.cybersexualaddiction.com/Articles.php" rel="nofollow">http://www.cybersexualaddiction.com/Articles.php</a> <a href="http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/cyberfaq.php" rel="nofollow">http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/cyberfaq.php</a> Are you sexually compulsive? Members of SCA have learned through sharing their experience, strength, and hope with each other that sexual compulsivity is a disease. This disease has three dimensions: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Physically, we engage in sexual behaviors that we know are not healthy for us or that place us in legal, physical, or spiritual jeopardy. Emotionally, we experience a "high" in contemplating and engaging in the "acting out" behavior, followed by an emotional let-down after acting out has concluded. Spiritually, we feel disconnected from others, especially from relationships we want to be "healthy" ones. The Twenty Questions SCA members have devised the Twenty Questions to help newcomers decide whether they are sexually compulsive. While the decision as to whether one has the disease of sexual compulsivity is an individual one, most people who are not sexually compulsive will answer yes to none of these questions, or perhaps one or two. If you answer yes to three or more, we encourage you to consider what our program has to offer. Click here to answer the Twenty Questions. The Fourteen Characteristics SCA members have found that we share certain characteristics in common. Click here to see those characteristics. The fourteen characteristics are often read at the beginning of SCA meetings. Click here to read SCA members' personal experiences with each of the characteristics. Admitting That We Are Powerless If we decide that we have the disease of sexual compulsion, the first step toward recovery is to admit that we are powerless over our condition and that it makes our lives unmanageable. When we can do so, we are ready to move on to the 12-step recovery program. The only requirement for membership in SCA is a desire to stop our compulsive sexual behavior. The Twenty Questions 1. Do you frequently experience remorse, depression, or guilt about your sexual activity? 2. Do you feel your sexual drive and activity is getting out of control? Have you repeatedly tried to stop or reduce certain sexual behaviors, but inevitably you could not? 3. Are you unable to resist sexual advances, or turn down sexual propositions when offered? 4. Do you use sex to escape from uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, guilt, etc. which seem to disappear when the sexual obsession starts? 5. Do you spend excessive time obsessing about sex or engaged in sexual activity? 6. Have you neglected your family, friends, spouse or relationship because of the time you spend in sexual activity? 7. Do your sexual pursuits interfere with your work or professional development? 8. Is your sexual life secretive, a source of shame, and not in keeping with your values? Do you lie to others to cover up your sexual activity? 9. Are you afraid of sex? Do you avoid romantic and sexual relationships with others and restrict your sexual activity to fantasy, masturbation, and solitary or anonymous activity? 10. Are you increasingly unable to perform sexually without other stimuli such as pornography, videos, "poppers," drugs/alcohol, "toys," etc.? 11. Do you have to resort increasingly to abusive, humiliating, or painful sexual fantasies or behaviors to get sexually aroused? 12. Has your sexual activity prevented you from developing a close, loving relationship with a partner? Or, have you developed a pattern of intense romantic or sexual relationships that never seem to last once the excitement wears off? 13. Do you only have anonymous sex or one-night stands? Do you usually want to get away from your sexual partner after the encounter? 14. Do you have sex with people with whom you normally would not associate? 15. Do you frequent clubs, bars, adult bookstores, restrooms, parks and other public places in search of sexual partners? 16. Have you ever been arrested or placed yourself in legal jeopardy for your sexual activity? 17. Have you ever risked your physical health with exposure to sexually transmitted diseases by engaging in "unsafe" sexual activity? 18. Has the money you spent on pornography, videos, phone sex, or hustlers/prostitutes strained your financial resources? 19. Have people you trust expressed concern about your sexual activity? 20. Does life seem meaningless and hopeless without a romantic or sexual relationship? The Fourteen Characteristics These are the characteristics most of us seem to have in common: 1. As adolescents, we used fantasy and compulsive masturbation to avoid feelings, and continued this tendency into our adult lives with compulsive sex. 2. Compulsive sex became a drug, which we used to escape from feelings such as anxiety, loneliness, anger and self-hatred, as well as joy. 3. We tended to become immobilized by romantic obsessions. We became addicted to the search for sex and love; as a result, we neglected our lives. 4. We sought oblivion in fantasy and masturbation, and lost ourselves in compulsive sex. Sex became a reward, punishment, distraction and time-killer. 5. Because of our low self-esteem, we used sex to feel validated and complete. 6. We tried to bring intensity and excitement into our lives through sex, but felt ourselves growing steadily emptier. 7. Sex was compartmentalized instead of integrated into our lives as a healthy element. 8. We became addicted to people, and were unable to distinguish among sex, love and affection. 9. We searched for some "magical" quality in others to make us feel complete. Other people were idealized and endowed with a powerful symbolism, which often disappeared after we had sex with them. 10. We were drawn to people who were not available to us, or who would reject or abuse us. 11. We feared relationships, but continually searched for them. In a relationship, we feared abandonment and rejection, but out of one, we felt empty and incomplete. 12. While constantly seeking intimacy with another person, we found that the desperate quality of our need made true intimacy with anyone impossible, and we often developed unhealthy dependency relationships that eventually became unbearable. 13. Even when we got the love of another person, it never seemed enough, and we were unable to stop lusting after others. 14. Trying to conceal our dependency demands, we grew more isolated from ourselves, from God, and from the very people we longed to be close to. <a href="http://www.sca-recovery.org/SCAnnerchars.htm#1" rel="nofollow">http://www.sca-recovery.org/SCAnnerchars.htm#1</a> SEXUAL material of all kinds is easily accessible through television, movies, music videos, and the Internet. Is this relentless intrusion of pornographic, sexualized imagery harmless, as many would have us believe?* Pornography's Effects on Adults Despite what its defenders say, pornography has profoundly negative effects on people's views of sex and sexual behavior. Researchers at the National Foundation for Family Research and Education concluded that "exposure to pornography puts viewers at increased risk for developing sexually deviant tendencies." According to the report, "the rape myth (belief that women cause and enjoy rape, and that rapists are normal) is very widespread in habitual male users of pornography." Some researchers say that the repeated use of pornography can interfere with the ability to enjoy and participate in normal marital intimacy. Dr. Victor Cline, a specialist in treating sex addiction, has noticed a recurring progression in the use of pornography. If left unchecked, what starts as casual viewing of pornography can eventually lead to an escalation to more hard-core, aberrant material. This, he claims, can lead to deviant sexual acts. Behavioral scientists agree. Dr. Cline reports that "any type of sexual deviation can be acquired in this way . . . and that it cannot be eliminated even by massive feelings of guilt." Eventually, the viewer may try to act out the pornography-based, immoral fantasies, often with devastating results. The course of this problem may be gradual and undetected, concluded Cline. He states: "Like a cancer, it keeps growing and spreading. It rarely ever reverses itself, and it is also very difficult to treat and heal. Denial on the part of the male addict and refusal to confront the problem are typical and predictable, and this almost always leads to marital or couple disharmony, sometimes divorce, and sometimes the breaking up of other intimate relationships." The Damage to Young People Boys looking at pornography Some researchers say that exposure to pornography can affect the natural development of a child's brain Statistics show that the primary consumers of pornography are boys between the ages of 12 and 17. In fact, for many, pornography is their primary source of sexual education. This has very disturbing ramifications. "Teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS," notes one report, "are completely nonexistent in porn, giving a false belief that there are no adverse consequences to behaviors depicted in pornography." Some researchers say that exposure to pornography can also affect the natural development of a child's brain. Dr. Judith Reisman, president of the Institute for Media Education, concludes: "Health-based neurological observations about the instinctual brain-imprinted response to pornographic sights and sounds indicates that viewing pornography is a biologically significant event that overrides informed consent—and that is harmful to children's [moldable] 'plastic' brains because it compromises their grasp of reality and thus their mental and physical health, their well-being and their pursuit of happiness." The Effects on Relationships Pornography shapes attitudes and influences behavior. Its messages are enticing primarily because they are fantasy and thus presented as more exciting than the real thing. (See the box "Which Message Will You Accept?") "Individuals using pornography set themselves up for unrealistic expectations leading to damaged relationships," notes one report. Pornography can destroy trust and openness, essential qualities in a marriage. Because it is primarily viewed in secret, pornography use often leads to deception and lying. Mates feel betrayed. They do not understand why their marriage partner no longer finds them desirable. Spiritual Harm Pornography use causes serious spiritual damage. It can become a real impediment for an individual seeking to have a relationship with God.# The Bible links sexual appetite with covetousness and idolatry. (Colossians 3:5) The one coveting something desires it so much that it becomes the dominant thing in his life, eclipsing everything else. In essence, those addicted to pornography put their sexual desire above God. They thus make an idol of it. Jehovah God's command states: "You must not have any other gods against my face."—Exodus 20:3. Couple arguing Pornography can destroy trust and openness in a marriage Pornography destroys loving relationships. The apostle Peter, himself a married man, urged Christian husbands to assign honor to their wives. A husband who fails to do so will find that his prayers to God are hindered. (1 Peter 3:7) Would secretly viewing indecent images of women be treating one's own wife honorably? How would she feel if she found out? And what would the God who will bring "every sort of work into the judgment" and who makes "an estimate of spirits" think? (Ecclesiastes 12:14; Proverbs 16:2) Could one who uses pornography have any reason to expect that his prayers would be listened to by God? The insistence on selfish gratification at all costs is inherent in pornography use. Hence, viewing pornography is unloving. It undercuts a Christian's fight to maintain chastity and a clean moral standing before God. "This is what God wills," wrote the apostle Paul, "that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite . . . , that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother."—1 Thessalonians 4:3-7. Pornography especially exploits women and children. It demeans them and robs them of their dignity and rights. One who uses pornography participates in and supports that exploitation. "No matter how good a . . . man thinks he is," point out researchers Steven Hill and Nina Silver, "his tacit approval of pornography makes him at best [insensitive], at worst misogynistic, toward the very person he professes to care about." Getting Help The struggle to break free from pornography should not be underestimated; it may be a difficult battle. Says Dr. Victor Cline, who has treated hundreds of sex addicts: "Promises don't work. Good intentions mean nothing. [A sex addict] literally cannot do this by himself." A prerequisite to successful treatment, according to Cline, is involving the mate, if the person is married. "It goes faster if both are involved," he claims. "Both are wounded. Both need help." If the person is single, often a trusted friend or family member can be a pillar of strength. Regardless of who is involved in the treatment, Cline has one unalterable rule: Talk openly about the problem and any relapses. "Secrets 'kill you'," he says. "They create shame and guilt." Breaking Free of the Pornography Habit What if you are presently struggling with an addiction to pornography? Can anything be done to break free? The Bible provides hope! Before coming to know Christ, some of the early Christians had been fornicators, adulterers, and greedy persons. "But you have been washed clean," noted Paul. How was that possible? He answered: "You have been sanctified . . . with the spirit of our God."—1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Never underestimate the power of God's holy spirit. "God is faithful," the Bible says, "and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." Indeed, he will provide the way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Fervent prayer—persistently setting your problem before God—will produce results. His Word encourages: "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you."—Psalm 55:22. Man praying Fervent prayer will produce results Of course, you have to act in harmony with your prayers. You need to make a deliberate and heartfelt decision to reject pornography. A trusted friend or family member can be an invaluable aid, providing needed support and encouragement to stick to your resolve. (See the box "Getting Help.") Remembering that such a course of action is sure to please God can help you stay committed to your course. (Proverbs 27:11) In addition, knowing that your viewing pornography offends God can also serve as an added impetus to giving it up. (Genesis 6:5, 6) It will not be an easy struggle, but it is one that can be won. The pornography habit can be broken! The dangers of using pornography are real. It is harmful and destructive. It corrupts those who produce it and those who use it. It is an insult to men and women, a danger to children, and a practice that should be rejected. * For a detailed discussion of the dangers of Internet pornography, please see the series of articles entitled "Internet Pornography—What Harm Can It Do?" in the June 8, 2000, issue of Awake! pages 3-10. # For a discussion of the Bible's view of pornography, please see the July 8, 2002, issue of Awake! pages 19-21. Which Message Will You Accept? Pornography's Message The Bible's View Sex with anyone, anytime, under any circumstances, and in any way is good and has no negative consequences. "Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers."—Hebrews 13:4. "He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body."—1 Corinthians 6:18; see also Romans 1:26, 27. Marriage is an obstacle to sexual fulfillment. "Rejoice with the wife of your youth . . . With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly."—Proverbs 5:18, 19; see also Genesis 1:28; 2:24; 1 Corinthians 7:3. Women have only one purpose—to satisfy the sexual needs of men. "I [Jehovah God] am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him."—Genesis 2:18; see also Ephesians 5:28. Men and women are slaves to their sexual urges. "Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite, hurtful desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."—Colossians 3:5. "Each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor."—1 Thessalonians 4:4. View the "older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all chasteness."—1 Timothy 5:1, 2; see also 1 Corinthians 9:27. msmom on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-58 Tue, 20 Apr 2010 10:07:00 +0000 msmom 58@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Well, my daughter also flipped her car and ended up in the hospital with staples holding her head together, they had to use the jaws of life to get her out of the car..did she learn anything??? NOPE! I am at her beck and call 24-7...she has called me crazy, that I also need to be on meds..it all sounds so familiar doesn't it?? I just can't believe the similarities. I am counting the days till all the court dates are done with and whatever jailtime is needed. She's enrolled in beauty school that starts this summer but I'll believe it when I see it. As I said..I'm counting the days. I keep telling myself that it's going pass eventually..if I can just survive it. I go to work and sometimes it's the only place I feel relaxed and happy. As for "ex's"..mine just keeps his distance and doesn't get involved..Life is so much simpler that way donchaknow???? Good luck..you have your hands FULL!!!! Stay in touch and I'll be thinking of you. Passion4Family on "What can I do to help my Heroin Addicted daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=22#post-57 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 18:47:26 +0000 Passion4Family 57@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Welcome Somewhere over the rainbow. First of all, know you are NOT ALONE. There are so many of us in this world. It is hard to know if we are doing the right thing, when it comes to our children. Just know this, you can only do, what your heart tells you, you can live with. You have to be able to live with the choices you make when handling you daughter. No one can judge you. Sure people give advice all the time, but even though our situations are so much alike, they are differtent. I tried everthing also. But when we kicked our daughter out (like so many experts say you should), she fell so deep into her addition we almost lost her forever. I could never put her on the streets again. Because I can hardly live with myself (knowing the horrific things she went through, while on the street). She has scars physically, emotionaly and spiritualy that may never heal. The pain she feels because of the expereinces she had while on the street haunt her, when she is awake and when she is asleep. I have to be able to live with myself. So for me the "kicking out" thing did not work. But I have a good friend that could live with what ever happened, she new she had to kick her child out. She new she could not live with her child under the same roof. For her - the "kicking out" thing was the right thing. Both of our families are in good places now. But we fear that, that evil thing we call Heroin, could come back into our lives at any moment. It could come and take our babies away from us for good. That is the burden we carry now. I do not know if the pain we feel, so deep in our souls, will ever truely go away. But we have made a promise to eachother. No matter what anyone else says. We will do "what we can live with" and pray that God blesses our children. I will pray for your daughter and your family. I check this site often and am always here if you need a friend. Bless you, Somewhere over the rainbow and bless your baby girl. somewhere over the rainbow on "What can I do to help my Heroin Addicted daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=22#post-56 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 21:33:09 +0000 somewhere over the rainbow 56@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ I found this website by mistake and Have read my daughters life over and over,my daughter is 24 and using heroin and who know what else , she has been getting high since highschool and about 2 years ago started shooting heroin because the pills oxy's got to expensive ...she stole all the jewerly and cash she could would steal from my bank account while I slept ..after numerous detox and rehab facilities some across the united states ..I could be driving a new Mercedes ...all failed ..we threw her out and she lived on the streets in the dead winter in New york ...she asked me for help and so against my familys advice took money from my retirement account and sent her to a 40.000 dollar facility which she lasted 6 days and so then we sent an interventionist to the airport to transport her to another place and cost 10,000 for 5 days she left she went on the computer at this facility and facebooked a cry for help and someone paid for her ticket back to new york ...I refused to let her back in and she again went from place to place and finally called and asked if she could sleep in out backyard because she was cold and tired ...,her stepfather let her come in as long as she did as her asked ..no computer no phone calls and to bed by 11 it lasted for 2 weeks and the old routine started again...the lies the stealing and no comming home ...so I told her to get out on monday after I found 6 needles in her pillowcase ..am I wrong to kick her out ...I feel so guilty and worried for her life .....I do not know what else to do ...please help missdaughter on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-55 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 20:51:21 +0000 missdaughter 55@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Hi MSMOM, I am happy your daughter is doing better. Just remember you can only do your best. At least you are blessed that you don't have another half breathing down your back where you feel you need to constantly prove yourself versus a 21 year old drug addict..sad huh? I also understand what you are going through with your daughter being rude to you because even though mine is incarcerated until the end of this wk (??) for violating probation...as much as I visit her even with my husband/daughter she will not "give me the time of day". She has become very nasty (even when I wasn't there)...I really think she is bipolar?? Whether in jail or home the same would occur the stupidest things would set her off our of nowhere (walking on eggshells being around her). Honestly, when she was living home there were timrs I would fear her. A more mild- Ex.- went to visit her at the count jail yesterday---- All she would do is forcus on her father...ask him for $$, favors, call his cell # etc. If I mention anything (like she needs to be serious about getting help (heroin)- would blow me off/or start an arguement or I say to my husband in front of me "I think mom needs to be on meds...what is she talking about!!! The whole time she WOULD ONLY forcused on talking with my husband (who enables her). For my daughter to be disrespecful to me, disagree with everything I say or do especially receiving help...I had no other alternative but get up, wished her good luck in life, that she will not be allowed to return home when released, hopes she makes the right decisions and that I love her! Then I left. I did not want to be there wasting my time argueing with her-not worth it! I have enough problems having to deal with my husband (since I lost my job) where he feels I should be there for her (which I don't mind- would have to drive her everywhere) but in his eyes he thinks I have nothing better to do 24/7. He doesn't see the stress and agrivation she puts me through day in/day out (not including our other 2 children). It has also affected my health where I lost weight (that I cannot afford to lose) I appreciate that he works but it upsets me that he has 4 wks vacation and another 3 in 4 months ..thats 7 weeks total but will not take time off to help her out-wants to go away instead (that's not right). Now if something goes wrong ..I get blamed and finger pointing (mental abuse tactic) - that's an everyday occurance from her life (that I evidently messed up) to my marriage of 25 yrs). I hate mentioning this but he pushed me over the edge BIG TIME several days ago...where I said if he's not happy with me or continues to blame me (finger point) about everything then why stay with me AND why remain married? Dear fmie1st, As per prison..you are right ..it is a waste of money to send a child to prison if there is a chance to cure them through inpatient rehab BUT what about a daughter like mine that received "numerous" inpatient and outpatient and NA meeting(s) help....didn't work! Why? Because she was not willing to make it work! Only she could ans. that- after a child that broke her neck and is lucky to walk today from flipping her car. I could of spent all of my money I had saved, sold my house, spoke to her until my face turned blue but if she's not ready (like I said which is sick) the only thing I would of received from this was the same drug addict/lying/manipulative daughter and a "zero" savings acct. So is jail the answer ...sometimes it is...I hate to say that. It kills us esp. my husband (where he does not make rational decisions) to see his almost 21 yr. old ruining her life right in front of his eyes and he's helpless. It's not easy to have to deal with family issues esp. related to drugs. This is where family members need to be united in order to tackle the problem(s) and solve it correctly. MSMOM and fmie1st- You will be in my prayers - May God always watch over your daughters and all other children with addictions and always keep them safe. Have a good night and God Bless you. msmom on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-54 Fri, 02 Apr 2010 09:47:15 +0000 msmom 54@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Dear fmie1st, Once it starts it seems that it becomes the never ending story. I agree with you about the methadone clinics and our gov't and also what local law is capable of doing to our kids (by using them). It's dumbfounding to me that we, as mothers (parents) who don't know each other, can be living parallel lives. Thank god some of us have a way of letting it "out" by writing in a forum like this. I really don't know what I would have done otherwise. As it is from day to day I have that constant feeling of anticipation, that "something" is going to happen...something bad. Every single day it's like that. There are "help" groups in my town but honestly...this site has been truely a Godsend....I was out of my mind with grief and feeling desparate for help. You must know that you are not alone in this..we are here for you, as others were here for me..be strong, know that you are loved and eventually ...all things pass. fmle1st on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-53 Tue, 30 Mar 2010 00:57:11 +0000 fmle1st 53@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ wow- did God lead me to this site?I googled a question about my daughter and drugs & this site was one of the first. Your stories are so much like mine.My daughter is now 25 & has battled heroin for 7 years that I know of.From the time she was first allowed to stay overnight with friends,she would call me to say she loved me-said she could never go to sleep without saying it.She is the youngest of 4 and I am a single parent. I never had a problem with any of my other children as far as drug abuse,so,it was the furthest thing from my mind.When she was 16,I found out she was seeing a boy whose family & himself were very well known in our town for their drug & alcohol use.The boy was 23-I tried all I could think of to get her away from him-I went to their home & took her out of it whenever I knew she was there.The police would not help,said they couldn't do anything about it.Her brothers and sister tried reasoning with her to no avail.When she was 18 ,she started staying at his house.She came home one day,said she was sick and asked to lay down.I got a strange feeling & decided to wake her up.I got no response ,so I called the paramedics.They were able to get a response, told me she was coming off of 'crack' ,would be fine & no,they couldn't take her anywhere - she was 18 and could do what she wanted!! I called around to different rehabs - very few in our area-it was even in the news at that time about parents having to travel to other states and cities to get help for their children.Long story short,she was so mad about that day,she left and I didn't hear from her again for a couple of years.She was still in our town,very small town ,so,I would hear through the grapevine about people seeing her & I knew she was still alive.Not seeing her,I could be in denial about what she may be doing.She started to call again,but, only to ask for money which I told her ,if she's hungry,come home,I will feed her, but, I will not give her any cash.She never would come home to eat.One day she calls and tells me she's pregnant - another of my worst fears.Says her doctor put her on methadone.She carries the baby to full-term.I get a call that she has given birth.I go to the hospital-looked at my granddaughter-she had my heart from that second.I see my daughter and can tell she's starting to withdrawl-that ,most likely she had used heroin recently. I told her to tell the doctor or I would before the baby starts having problems.My granddaughter started withdrawals so the hospital put her on methadone treatment for 3 weeks.She did amazingly well - she's perfect in every way -except for things that may not show up for years.They say what made her turn out so well was that my daughter continued to use otherwise ,stopping could have cause a lot of physical problems.Needless to say I obtained custody because my daughter would not go through the programs to get off the drugs so she could be a mother.Instead she chose to be with her boyfriend and use heroin. Their home was raided and she was sent to prison for 18 months for drug trafficking. I cannot tell you what a relief that was.For the first time in years I was actually able to not spend each day wondering if my daughter was going to die.Even with a newborn to care for,I didn't have all the stress that I had had for so long. I wrote to her everyday,sending her pics of her daughter -every little thing she did so it would be as though she were here with her.Her letters were so full of hope and dreams and goals and love.She even said it was the best thing that could have happened to her. When her release date got close I got really scared ,having read about all the people that relapsed after being released.Her first day home.she told me about all the things she had planned,how,in prison,the other girls only talked about getting out and getting high & how it disgusted her.She was done with all of that.Her priority was her daughter and what she could do to make up for what she'd done to her.I had such high hopes.Within a month,she had relapsed.It broke my heart. Her boyfriend had gotten out of prison and she went with him.She didn't call to ask about her daughter.I was done- my priority was my granddaughter and giving her a good life.About a year ago,her boyfriend got busted again-trafficking-he had to serve 18 months.She shows up at my door - at first I wouldn't let her in-I was still so angry that she chose to go back to that life instead of being with this precious little girl.It angered me even more that she would come here just because he was gone and she had nowhere else to go!She begged and pleaded -told me how she wanted so much to get away from that life,etc.Plus,it was winter and so cold out-to me, she had hit rock bottom.She seemed to be making an effort-trying to get into rehabs,etc.She decided to do the methadone treatment-yes, to me,it's just legal heroin-only the government is getting rich off of it.She tells me it will only be for 3 months-so, here it is-more than a year later-still on it-she accidently admitted to me that she had relapsed and when tested ,they 'upped' her dose!!So,I have the extra worry of her overdosing by using both.She won't leave- has no interaction with her daughter,who is almost 4 now.She nods all the time-I have told her this is not good for my granddaughter to see-she's old enough to remember it.When I let her come back,my thoughts were,I do not want her dying out on the streets-I want my granddaughter to know her mother and to know that I did try to help her.It's just gotten to the point where I want her gone - I can't bear to see her like this.She won't get into a support group-says she doesn't need it.I try to tell her all she's done is trade heroin for a legal drug.I feel like I've already lost my daughter -I blame the government for not wanting to get these addicts help.They make it so expensive-they have new things that are not addictive like the methadone-such as suboxone-but,it costs so much-what addict has that kind of money?Instead they'd rather keep on getting that $12 a day.When they get busted they send them to prison-yes, they are dealing,but, not to make money-they deal to get their 'hit'.Then ,to make matters worse,they offer to get them out of trouble if they'll 'snitch' for them - they'll supply their heroin so they can still get high and also get a 'bust' for the cops!! Yes,this offer was made to my daughter.She told them no because she knew that would put us all in danger.She chose to go to prison instead.That really irks me because they don't offer to pay for a rehab after they get their bust-then they're on their own to deal with their addiction!They're just helping to kill our children.It costs the government so much to keep them in prison,why not better spend that money on an intensive inpatient rehab?? These addicts don't belong locked up with criminals. I feel so lost and helpless when it comes to this.I need to be strong for my granddaughter,but,I know ,the way it's going,her mother isn't going to see her grow-up and that breaks my heart.I cannot do anything when my daughter doesn't feel she needs anymore help.Thank you for letting me 'vent'- I don't have a lot of people to talk to that understand what it's like to live like this.God bless you all .I hope your daughters do better than mine has. msmom on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-52 Mon, 29 Mar 2010 11:01:57 +0000 msmom 52@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Hello everyone, Well, it's been almost 90 days clean with my daughter. The relief that I can see her in person and see her "clean" is a HUGE load off my heart and shoulders, the daily stress of moodswings, anger, depression, drinking with friends on "special" occasions, expenses, denial about having to face the jail time and get it overwith is ongoing. I forget that she's in a constant state of "detox"...but I don't want that to make it "ok" for her to always be irresponsible and rude to me...I feel like I'm being punished for taking care of her. Sound wierd???? She has some good days, but the smallest thing sets her off. She's got a short fuse, but then that's nothing new. I've often thought maybe it would have been easier to have a spouse or significant other to help with this...but I realize after listening to you all that sometimes that just compounds things to make it oh so much worse. I'm in my sixties and for some reason I imagined that by this age I'd be retired and living the "good life" whatever THAT is, LOL and here we are..still struggling with kids and it's worse than I ever could have imagined. What has happened to this world?One of the most difficult things for me to accept was that SHE is responsible for HER decisions..NOT ME!! Why is that so darn hard and why are other people so quick to judge and point fingers??? Especially me at myself. Thinking of you all, keeping you all in my prayers, know that this will not last forever. Even if it means our child has to spend time in jail to help them and give us a moments peace..then so be it. love to all, Mel missdaughter on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-51 Mon, 22 Mar 2010 13:27:10 +0000 missdaughter 51@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Passion4Family, One more thing that that really hits home with me is that I have in common with your post is my daughter was the same as yours in the past before this evil drug(s) took over her life! She was a sweet, caring and had the biggest heart you could ever imagine. She lived life to the fulliest with a smile. She was adored by society from family,friends,teachers to co-workers. In school I was also a proud parent of an excellent athlete with excellent grades. As parents anything she needed within reason we would supply her. I guess her problem was well hidden by her even back even if it just started and it was minor (meaning not heroin or oxy's but to me drinking still is not minor). She dated the same guy for 4/5 years and even today it breaks his heart to see her the way she is. I am actually "MAD" at her boyfriend now (but will not argue-not worth it) because he must of known something during HS and should of said something to us- possibly could of saved her today. When I did question him today... he stated he never knew about Heroin or Oxy's? Is It True??? Easier to blame someone else!! Was it peer pressure to fit in or did she just run with the wrong crowd? That's why I feel if her BF cared he would of helped or said something to us sooner when they were living together. At 18 received DUI, but she could of turned around her life but instead messed it up. At the time family stuck together and helped her by bringing her back and forth to work, and gave her moral support taking her to required meetings. It's been 3 years plus whatever time in HS that our daughter has taken precious time from us as parents and her siblings that we will never experience or get back again in life. missdaughter on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-50 Mon, 22 Mar 2010 08:58:15 +0000 missdaughter 50@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Passion4Family, Thank you for making me understand it's not my fault every time I was getting blamed. Listening to constant negative remarks day in day out made me truely second guess myself even though I knew deep down in my heart I was right. I have always been open and repected other peoples esp....family. There were times I even bent over backwards (even though I know it wasn't right) and listened to my husbands ideas with giving my daughter numerous chances in the past to even now (coming back home over and over again) on top of forgiving her, beleiving she has stopped her drug habits but it all backfired. Just during the whole time of her addiction (whether home or out), he would always be blindsided by sweet talk and not beleive me (when I would state she was high). Then it all hit him hard when he would get a call from the police or the police would arrive at the house for her. Now he is even more distroughted because she's in jail for violation of probation. To top it off 2 days before she went to jail I noticed she stole money from our accounts "again". She stated that she she wanted to pay off her c/c accts and he fell for it ...hook, line and sinker. I had no choice (by bank policy) to file a police report (which I never did against a family member) and they needed to press charges because it was a bank incident. I was told charges could be dropped but she will still be in trouble because she committed this crime while on "probation". I feel bad but this is the second time in under 2 years on top of stealing personal property (which we never reported). She states to my husband she should be out by beginning of next month (served 50 days) and that she will never touch the stuff but is it true??? Highly doubt it.... the statement has been made to him from week 1 being incarcerated because she wanted to come home but we wouldn't bail her out ...that's why I'm skeptical. We have bailed her out over and over in the past...violating probation was the last straw. I also cannot get myself to visit her (has 2 days a wk. to only see her) because I am really hurt for all she has put me through (lying, manipulating my husband against me). I have written a 6 page letter to her stating she needs to make a decision in life.... if she wants to come back and be part of our family she needs to stop her heroin and (possible drinking) completely otherwise good luck in life and that I will always love her. I have also made a promise to myself that I will not let my husband make anymore bad decisions for me or the rest of our family. I will help my daughter if she accepts and wants the help but not under her terms. I do truely beleive mothers like us are strong and the glue holding the rest of the family together. Right now, I live day by day and know I have tried my best to be a good mother and wife but it's really hard with all this stress and agrivation. Why this happened to our family in life....only God can answer that. I sometimes cry and ask him why but I know there is a reason (like sparing my daughter who is walking 2day after a major car collision w/major neck injuries). Until then I try to hold my head high and not let anyone see my void of unhappiness in life. I hope one day the cloud over my head disappears and I will have a true smile on my face. Passion4Family, I know where you stand keeping the family intact and enjoying every moment with your daughter....it's still not easy like you said because you are afraid of that one bad day. Please right now don't let your guard down but please don't worry as much.... you deserve to be happy. Take it slowly...need to live day by day. Love, missdaughter Passion4Family on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-49 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 22:23:50 +0000 Passion4Family 49@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Missdaughter, I hurt for you, so much. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! No matter who tells you it is you fault. Your daughter has to own her own addiction. Your husband is hurt and has to blame someone and he can not bare to blame his little girl. It is safer to blame you. I have seen this happen in other families and it just makes a complicated situation even more confusing. I'll pray that you and your husband can come together as a united front for the sake of you family and your daughter. Addiction can tear a family apart so easily. Hold on tight to your family. Try not to carry all the burden on your shoulders. You have to stay strong and love yourself, so you can love your family. Your husband needs you. Your children need you. But, you have to take care of you. Forgive your husband. It sounds like his hurt is tearing him up. Remember this is his little girl. My husband once told me that he had so much pain, he hurt so bad, because it was his job to protect his daughter and he failed. He carried that feeling of failure with him for so long. I have been married to this strong wonderful man for 23 years and have never seen him anything but STRONG. But this journey we have taken with our daughter broke him. I do not know if he will ever truely recover. I do know he is trying hard to forgive his little girl and trying to forgive himself. I know there is hope for our children. They have one thing so many children do not have. They have a family that loves them and prays for them and will never give up on them.. I realize that addiction can take my daughter at any moment. That I could out live my little girl, because of addiction. I know that not everything I do is going to be the "right" thing. But, I have made a promise to myself. I have to do what I can live with. No matter what others may think. I have to be able to live with my decisions. I have to know that I did everything possible to help my daughter and keep my family intact. I have to be able to live with myself at the end of the day. So I guess what I'm trying to say to you is, do what you can live with. If it is done in love it can't be wrong. No matter what it is. Stay true to yourself. And always know you are not alone. With love, Passion4Family missdaughter on "My daughter is in denial..." http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=20#post-48 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 14:54:47 +0000 missdaughter 48@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Jap50, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through! We went through the same with my daughter who is just about 21, but it got worse. She was involved with her boyfriend...not a bad kid..but at 18/19 (turned his life around)! It began when they both decided to move out of their homes (both had jobs and went to college). That soon changed with the people they met and lived with.. found ound my daughter began using oxy's and percocets which later escalated to Heroin. That caused her to steal money from our accts more than once, along with other valuables...so please keep your eyes and ears open. I know she is over 18 just like my child was at the time but she's a mess today and I cry every night because of Heroin ruining and taking over my child....and like you stated above affecting my marriage and our childrens lives in our family. It is even worse when my husband babys her (enables) and then blames me that it is all my fault. Please hang in there and I will pray for you. As mothers and parents we could only hope our children turn out well in life. Stay strong dear. missdaughter on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-47 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 14:23:39 +0000 missdaughter 47@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Passion4Family, Thank you for the response. I sometimes think I am alone in the world especially trying to battle my husband who doesn't see the picture clearly that she is a "full blown addict" and needs long term assistance to beat her Heroin and possibly alcohol addiction. The short term rehabs she was placed in (in the past did not work)followed by probabation (that she violated after her third visit). Just like everything in our 25 year marriage whenever something goes wrong ...He was and still is constantly pointing the finger at me and stating this all my fault. The mental abuse is honestly placing me at verge of breakdown. I thank God I have mom, dad, brother and couple of close friends to talk to. I do not want to worry my other 2 children...I know they are suffering just as much in their own way. I rather make their life as normal as possible. I have always told my husband number of times I don't hate her...I love her more than life...but cannot accept her addiction, stealing money from our accounts -just did last mo., lying etc. That all needs to stop and until she receives the right help she cannot come back home when released (only gone for 3 wks) and restart again. I keep on telling him he need to think with his head not with his heart because Heroin will kill our daughter. I am so happy for you and anyone else in this world that is able to kick the habit!!! God Bless Them. Just Pray that they will continue to walk down the right path and "never" go back. It is beautiful to hear when you child is clean and is beginning to enjoy life again like they use too. Thank you for praying for my daughter...she needs alot of help along with my husband "enabling her and blaming me" for all her actions. It is hard as a mother and a wife especially (working alone) but I will try to hang in there and help for as long as possible. God Bless you again Passion4Family and enjoy your every minute possible with your daughter because I really miss mine and hope she will come back to us one day to enjoy drug free for more than 1-2 weeks. Passion4Family on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-46 Wed, 17 Mar 2010 21:03:59 +0000 Passion4Family 46@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Missdaughter, I will keep you and your family in prayer. I'm so sorry you are going through this. The pain is almost to much to handle. But, right now your daughter is safe and with any luck and a little blessing she may see the world through sober eyes and realize she can not continue to live her life in the "drug world". Jail (the 4th time), for my daughter was the beginning of finding her way back to us. Oh, she relapsed and every relapse was worse then the one before, but they were shorter in duration. It seemed she found her way out of it quicker everytime. Your right when you said "you don't know her". When they are living that life they are not our daughters, they are not themselves. Not only do we lose them , they lose themselves. Our family struggled with my daughters addiction for almost 5 years. Hard core addiction. Many times thinking we had weathered the storm and our daughter was coming back to us, then Heroin would take her away again. Yes we are in a good place right now. She is clean and happy for the first time in years. But every day is a waiting game. You see I do not trust this evil they call Herion. It is so strong and covert that at any moment it may raise its ugly head in our life again. I pray one day "Heroin" will only be a faint memorie for our family. I am trying to enjoy this time in our lives. Everyone is healthy and happy. Our family is in tact and whole again. God willing this is forever. I will pray for your daughter and for you and your family. As mothers all we can do is love them no matter what and pray, pray, pray. And when we can not pray anymore find people that can pray for us. You have found the right place, I know all the mothers on this site pray for eachother. You are now in our prayers. missdaughter on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-45 Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:02:13 +0000 missdaughter 45@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Hello MSMOM and Passion4Family, I just want to say congratulations and God Bless you both.You both made me cry (after hearing how you daughters were doing so much better). I am so happy for you again and will continue to pray for you. I too have a 20 year daughter who became addicted to oxy's/ heroin almost 2 years ago and but she has just became worse. Problems began around the age 15/16 she was never listened to my husband or myself (which landed her later with a DWI). From that point she started getting more tickets, drug busts to a major accident that nearly killed her (broke her neck in 2 places). That accident did not wake her up and make her hit rock bottom. I even had to throw her out of our house X2 hoping it work (but tough love didn't help). When she returned home was clean for a week to two but then was back to heroin again. She has been placed in number of rehabs to even a phychiatric ward (for 3 days) - signed out of Phych. ward, rehabs and was even kicked out of one-sent home. I was at my wits end especially with the court system not making it manitory for her to go to rehab. To this day I am so thankful she is alive and walking but hurting she chooses not to remain clean. She just ended up being placed on probation by one court for 12 months and another extended her time to 18 months. I have been by her side bringing her to court, probation and at one point I thought she was on the road to recovery....but I was fooled!!! Our whole family was fooled. Went to probation and end ended up violating probation. Now she's in jail and for once both my husband and I are in argreement....We Cannot Bail Her Out! At least I know that while she is in jail- she cannot get high on heroin and it'll be another day she'll be alive and safe to an extent (sad to say). Before that my husband and I would never saw eye to eye...he would enable her (felt sorry for her and bail her out or give her what she needs). I on the other hand, would have to open his eyes to what she is doing under his nose...like stealing money, property etc. Please help me out and let me know how you feel...I am a mother who loves her daughter dearly but not the one who is on heroin...I don't even know her anymore...and I really miss my girl! I feel for our whole family and what we are going through especially my two children who live at home (one in HS and another in college). Please pray for our family especially for my daughter that she will find the right path and become clean 4 ever! Thank you. zapdusty on "Adult Children of alcoholics/ dysfunctional fanialies" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=21#post-44 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 12:48:53 +0000 zapdusty 44@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ This was an under tone of the book. My parent we alcoholics. msmom on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-43 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 20:36:42 +0000 msmom 43@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ I am SO happy for you and your family. Prayer does work. Take care and enjoy that little grandbaby when he/she gets here.."grands" are just amazing. Love to you all... Passion4Family on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-42 Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:29:34 +0000 Passion4Family 42@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ msmom, Wonderful! 6 weeks clean! She is doing so great, I'm so happy for you both. She's working hard, you should be proud. I'll keep you both in prayer. Well, my baby girl is also doing well. We just found out she is having a baby. I had wrote in my last post about the young man that had come back into her life. Well, they are having a baby and they both seem to be content and happy. I find myself having to talk myself out of panicing. God willing everything will be OK. For now they are clean and happy, and that is all I can ask for. I'm enjoying my daughter, as you are yours. God bless our girls. msmom on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-41 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:24:22 +0000 msmom 41@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Thank you for your thoughts...as of this date, going on 6 weeks she's doing great. Depression comes and goes. She still has jail time to make up. Everyday that she is with me I'm so happy...and she seems to be too, but she says the craving never goes away. While I live for every moment we are together...simultaneously I am living with the constant fear that it won't last....I don't know how you've done it. I really don't. It's amazing to me what we can endure and the strength that HOPE gives us. Please stay in touch..you have been a lifeline for me and I pray for your family every night. Jap50 on "My daughter is in denial..." http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=20#post-40 Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:43:03 +0000 Jap50 40@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ She denies she has a problem with oxy-roxy,zanax,percocets,loritabs..Even after this past year has been total hell on everyone involved.She and her boyfriend have lost their jobs,house,cars and he was in jail for child abuse after their 2mos old sweet boy was admitted with a broken femur 11 mos ago.Thank god our families (ours and his) have had custody.Lately since my daughter is back living with her boyfriend again,and both of them are still unemployed...it has gotten way out of control.There are growing tensions between our families because they have stolen from us..they tried to pawn my other daughters(her sister)violin,guitar,some family heirlooms and some of my jewelery.Most recent was my credit card, in which they bought gas,a lunch,a dinner or two.When she came over to talk about it she naturally denied it a first until i threatened to call the police.We have had numerous conversations with her boyfriend cussing me out,she refusing to admit it's a problem.She has never been so screwed up in her life..A bright young girl always excelled at everything and now seems totally lost..My husband and i cannot take it any longer..it has affected our relationship,my health,and my youngest daughter(18) is angry with her sister and wonders if she will ever grow up (24).Right now she and i are barely speaking,her boyfriend is not allowed to come over(for disrespecting me) and her father is ready to give her up..i am at a loss..i could never give her up :( Passion4Family on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-39 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 23:01:19 +0000 Passion4Family 39@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ msmom, I am so happy for you (you have your baby home). No matter how long this lasts, at least you have had this time with her. I have been in your position many times (with my daughter). I try to cherish those days or weeks or even months. Because for me, at least, they never last. I hope and pray your time with your daughter lasts a very long time. My daughter has gone as long as a year clean and happy, and then relaped. Each time she has relaped her addiction gets deeper and harder to come out of. My baby girl has been in jail a few times. She has been on probation for two years. If all go's well she will be off probation next month. She has been clean for 3 months now. She seems to be happy most of the time, although she falls into deep depressions at times (which scares me). A young man form her past (pre drug use)has come back into her life. I think it has been a positive thing. He is calm and kind and has plans for his future. He knows some of my daughters past, but not everything. When he looks at her he sees the young lady she was before drugs. She likes that. She is tired of being looked at as "the drug addict". I'm praying this is a blessing for God (this young man form her past). We too have used up so much of our finances, trying to "help" our daugher(bail, rehab after rehab and bail again and rehab again...). You know your right,they do seem to feel as though they are entitled. I just do not understand the whole "Entitlement" thing. Maybe we did foster that or maybe it is simply part of the addiction- The distorted view of the world, that addicts have. I don't know. I'm trying hard to love my daughter for who she is, period. And not grieve the loss, of the daughter I had drempt she would be. I love her so very much. She is my heart and soul. God willing she will stay clean and stay in our lifes. But I now at any moment she could choose to leave us again, for that evil she calls "herion". So I live in the moment. At this moment she is safe, sober, and happy. So I am happy. But, if she does choose to return to the drug world, I will light a candle and place it in her childhood bedroom window everynight (like I have done everytime she has relaped) in hopes that she will see that light and it will guide her home, back to her father and me. Thanks for reading. God bless your family and may your daughter find happiness. Msmom, Your a good mom, she is very lucky and blessed to be your daughter. Freeliving on "Boys and sex" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=19#post-38 Tue, 09 Feb 2010 20:56:50 +0000 Freeliving 38@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ I have had a problem since i was little with boys. I am a girl and I just like go crazy when I see a attractive guy. Like when I see a new hot cute guy like I get over the other guy. And i have a problem with sex. I am a fiend for sex. I have had sex for years and i am a young age. I just want to have people feel the way i feel. msmom on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-37 Wed, 03 Feb 2010 10:19:43 +0000 msmom 37@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Dear Passion4Family, I wanted to tell you that I'm writing from Oregon. You mentioned that you're exhausted. I was just thinking this morning how energized I feel when my daughter and I have some positive interaction and just knowing that she's here with me...and THEN the moods kick in, she gets nasty, sick..negative, we also have to deal with jail time that she has acquired due to avoiding fines, cout appearances, bill collectors and I realize I'll probably have to sell the house pretty soon to get out from under all the money I've spent over these last 7 years with one thing after another because I just couldn't let her "suffer"...what was I thinking? Exhausted is the perfect word. My husband and I divorced shortly after adopting her so I've raised her alone. These last 4 years I've tried to have a relationship with a wonderful person. However..I've shortchanged him..too tired to see him, emotionally drained, "she needs me"...had to work extra hours because of the bills I've paid for her..one excuse after another because I feel so responsible for her. Some of yesterday was a good day...today is another day...trust issues with her, the feeling of "entitlement" from her that I'm sure I've fostered...I'm feeling responsible for this big mess she's living and my own inability to let her hit rock bottom..because I don't want to "lose" her. Now I'm expecting the police to show up to arrest her (once again)..there's a warrant out. Thanks for listening... msmom on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-36 Tue, 02 Feb 2010 11:17:26 +0000 msmom 36@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ hello again and thank you soo much for sharing. Since I last posted..On Jan 16 I went and got her. The "tracks on her body were horrific. I brought her home and had every home remedy for detox known to man for side effects, cramping, nausea, insomnia, body aches and pains, teas, vitamins, supplements, foods and juices. She was scared...as it turned out there were no methadone clinics around here (for which I'm grateful)but she didn't see it that way. I view it as a way of perpetuating the "use"...so I kept her sleeping, treated symptoms as they arose (immodium AD and Draminine are good) got her to a regular therapist, psychiatric nurse practioner, massage therapist and GP. Thank goodness for the insurance that will only last till the end of March. She cried, shook, threwup, said she couldn't live like this, she NEEDED SOMETHING TO HELP..my argument was that she could die the way she was "living" before. She would NOT die from detoxing....I've watched her like a hawk..she has some great CLEAN friends here locally who are looking after her too. She has been clean now for 3 weeks..cold turkey, happy, eating well, and confronting the issues that she has been avoiding for so long. I know that all we have is moment to moment...and things can change at any time..but for right now I can go in her room, put my arms around her and hold her to my heart. She'll smile at me and once again I'll have my baby girl......Every night I thank God for this day and pray for each and every one of you out there living with this constant ache..bless all of you. I will continue to stay in touch and thank you for your support. Love to all... otherisde on "Tiger joins the club" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=18#post-35 Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:39:25 +0000 otherisde 35@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Well with all the PR about Tiger I guess we are on the map again. I am sad and glad about this. The sadness is that people want to know about this because a superstar is tagged as a sex addict. So many are fighting for their lives and do not have millions to spend on it. Some are fighting to stay alive with no support. The joy is that a superstar is shining the light on it. We can see that this crosses lines and we are all the same. I am going to go out and find a place to help people and get the support needed to touch others in need. otherisde on "My Sex Addiction" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=8#post-34 Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:33:43 +0000 otherisde 34@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Sexaddict Wow I am so there with you. I am older so I did not have internet for a while growing up. I do remember masturbating till i was raw. i also remember going to football practice and being fearful that other would see the stains in my underwear. I loved the exact life you described and I outed myself to my wife and we have been stronger since. In a odd way the pain out outing was so strong it keeps me from doing it again. I still fight with what is healthy sex and what is addiction. I honor you for your journey and I also found support with men at a group <a href="http://WWW.MKP.org" rel="nofollow">WWW.MKP.org</a> A place to be with men in a healthy way. Bless you all. Passion4Family on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-33 Mon, 11 Jan 2010 13:25:48 +0000 Passion4Family 33@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ MSMom, You are not alone! What area of the world are you in (if you don't mind me asking)? I'm in California. We could be comunicating with eachother half way around the world and yet we share something that will forever change our lives "addiction and our daughters". You have a friend in me. I read this site often. I will stay in contact with you as long as you are reading this site. Just know there is someone out in the world that understands the type of pain you feel and is reading your posts and keeping you in prayer. FYI: not only am I a mother, Iam a pediatric nurse. I tend to investigate medications when ever they come my way. My daughter also tried the Methadone route. To addicts its a cheap way of getting a high (yes it gets you high) that lasts longer then heroin. It last longer and is cheaper (plus if they are getting it at a clinic ITS LEGAL). At work we will sometimes give methodone to our patients for various reasons, and I can tell you it is a very long process and difficult process to wean them off. Methodone stores in the bone marrow. It is not easy to get off. It is much like withdrawing from heroin. There is a reason why there are so many people at medthodone clinics that have been going there for 10, 20 plus years. I'm sure you have already looked into it, as soon as your daughter mentioned it (it's what us mothers do). Update on my daughter: Well, I'm exhausted. Trying to figure out if she is using, is exhausting. She lies if she is using or not. Oh, she tells me just enough to make me think she is sharing and being honest. You see, she has lied for so long it is a behavior she can't seem to break. So many behaviors she has learned living in the "drug world" have become so deep within her. I fear she will never understand the behaviors are not exceptable, let alone immoral. But, then I sit back and say "stop it" just rejoice in the fact she is alive and clean (I think). We support her financially 100% and she does not live at home. We had to put her in her own apartment to save our marriage. There will come a day when we will have to cut the money off (we never give her money, we just pay the bills). I just hope and pray she is strong enough and determined enough to support herself, when the time comes. We have a son in college and he has dreams. We so want to be able to help him, finacially, reach those dreams. He has worked hard and made good choices in his life (he's 21 years old). It's just not fair of us to use all our resources on rehab after rehab car,rent.... for his sister. We have set a date February 5th. Our daughter must be able to contribute xxx amount of dollers to her bills (rent) every month or we will have to take the car back. This is not only to save us money,but to give her an opportunity to contribute and feel good about herself. Plus teach her a lesson- when your an adult (in the real world) people have to work and pay thier bills to have cars. I now it sounds crazy that a 22 year old wouldn't understand this concept, but because of drugs she is not a 22 year old. Her thought process is more like a 14 or 15 year old. Sometimes, I wonder who she would have been had drugs never entered her life? Othertimes, I wonder what kind of person she will be when she overcomes addiction. Oh, she could make such a difference in peoples lives. With her experiences and strength (that I know she has) she could have an amazing life. msmom on "Heroin and my 21 year old daughter" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=17#post-32 Sat, 09 Jan 2010 12:09:51 +0000 msmom 32@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Thank you so much for your reply...I have no one here, I'm single and work all the time, especially now to keep busy and exhaust myself so I can't spend every second worrying. Everything I've read states that all the well meaning advice in the world isn't going to make any difference to the addict. I'm trying so hard to give her the space but everyday is an exercise in terror. I wish you all the luck and support in world with your daughter. Thank you again for your message..I'm so grateful. Passion4Family on "My daughter's journey to heroin and back" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=12#post-31 Mon, 04 Jan 2010 10:08:32 +0000 Passion4Family 31@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ I would love an update on your stories. How are your daughters today? How are your families? Have you made it through the storm? My family is at a calmer place right now, but not yet through the storm. Things are still up and down. But we are OK at the moment. Praying for all of you out there that are living lives like mine. We all have stories that are different and yet so much alike. Passion4Family on "Pain Killers are Killing Me" http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/topic.php?id=10#post-30 Mon, 04 Jan 2010 10:00:42 +0000 Passion4Family 30@http://www.americaanonymous.com/stories/ Hello Denisethehum, How are you doing? I hope you still check this site every once in a while. I pray you and your family are safe. I have posted several times on different topics on this site. I am not an addict, but my babygirl, 22 years old, is (heroin.) Which started with pain killers. It is hard to say, but I can see how this whole addiction thing can take hold of you. There are times I have thought of taking something to take the pain (depression, hurt, guilt, shame) go away. Instead I read alot. I read anything that has any insite to addiction, family, hope, or faith. I just finished a wonderful book (although sad) titled "Where the Heart Lies" written by T E Church. It's a biography of his life growing up with a drug addicted mother. It might be tough reading for you. But it does give some insite to the child growing up with a mother addicted to drugs. Another book is "Beautiful Boy" it is a story written by the father of an addict. One last book I would recommand is "The Shack" it has nothing to do with addiction. But the message is strong. It is based on a father who has lost his child to murder. But it is not the murder the book focuses on. It focuses on the grief the father carries and the amazing things that happen to allow him to find peace deep in his heart. Reading has helped me (I was never a reader before). Just thought I'd let you know there is someone out there, that read your story and is praying for you and your family. Stay strong. You are worthy. You can beat this. You are loved.